the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
