Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize