fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i drank out of a bidet.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
