Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
