Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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