I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
