I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
