Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
