If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
