I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
