Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
