i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
