Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
