Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize