I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
