I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
