He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
