piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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