a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
