somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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