We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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