He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
