Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
