remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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