Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
