Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
