He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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