either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
