tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
