I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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