She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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