no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
