Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
