I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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