I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize