Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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