i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
