My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
