AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
