I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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