I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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