My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
