You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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