I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
