bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
