I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
