Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
