I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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