Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
FUCK WHALES
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
