wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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