My nipple is on Facebook.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
