you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
