sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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