She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
