The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
