Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
