and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
