so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize