oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
