he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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