so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
