U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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