Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
