Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
