I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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