i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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