Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
