I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
