all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
