Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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