ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
