It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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