I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
