this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
