i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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