How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
