is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize