i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
