There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
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