so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
