I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
