im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
