She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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