Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
