if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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