the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
