just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
