This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize