Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
