the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
