Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
