im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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