i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize