Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
