SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
