The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize