No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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