she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize