Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
