He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
