So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
