stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
